Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
