Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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