Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
