the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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