This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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