Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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