You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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