ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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