sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me I should be a condom model.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
