She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
