I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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