she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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