I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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