3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
