I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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