I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
