dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
