Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
