i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
