after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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