my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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