remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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