dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You ruined the universe
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
