bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
