I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
