If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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