just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this boner is exhausting
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
