girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
