you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
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Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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