just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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