i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i will never coherently bang her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
