I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
