see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
