I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
