i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
