you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want nice things and good sex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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