lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
