It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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