At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
