my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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