Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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