did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
