i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
