i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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