I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
