I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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