I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
