Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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