i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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