What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
