is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
