Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
