Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
