it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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