Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
