Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize