yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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