in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
