I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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