Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
