yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
