never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
