we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
