I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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