ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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