I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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