everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
