Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
