just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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