She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
