cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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