she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
