I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
